"Phone call for Mrs. Singer...Mrs. Singer, phone call"

I am one of the first to make comment, or at least mental note, of those people in crowds who are constantly on their smart phones regardless of the fact they are siting with a friend at a coffee shop, or talking on their bluetooth while buying toothpaste at the drugstore and of the most astounding, people walking down a busy sidewalk and crossing a street  while texting.
I have made many, admittedly slightly unkind, comments about how I am puzzled as to why people have gotten to a point in which technology is consuming their attention so constantly that they are never fully present in the moment, but rather floating in the static between virtual and real.  In the past I have had a sense of pride that I am not one of those types that has to be plugged in at all times. I am grateful enough for my daily real life existence that I see the value of living the moments  I am presently in. I feel I am under no delusion that I must be constantly connected with my finger on the pulse of the happenings of the world for things to continue smoothly.
When I am out visiting with my friends, I am visiting with them. We are connecting and sharing by having the coffee together in real time, not just reading the facebook notification on my smartphone that so-and-so is going out for third doubleshot of the day. I hold a sense of pride about this. It has almost been a 'holier than thou' attitude at times against the poor soul who's chicken dance ring tone has gone off at max volume in the line up at the grocery store. I have thrown many a disdainful glance to those who's phone keep ringing during a  dinner out.  I don't understand the obsession of the cell phone. I am critical of it and feel very justified.

It was this strong internal belief in who I am that was shattered yesterday, when I realized that I am becoming one of them. A drone plugged into to technology, no longer able to make my own decisions about who I talk to when and where.
Yesterday during a few hour long afternoon getaway with a friend my true self started to emerge. The first  hour or so was fine, there was nothing out of the ordinary. We were doing a bit a of shopping, poking around in some interesting shops, very enjoyable. Nearing five 'oclock we decided to go for a bite. It was right around then everything started to go awry. The first buzz of a text sounded..."oh excuse me, this is probably a kid, ha ha". Quickly I read and return a text. "okay, where were we."  A minute or two later another buzz. "Sorry, just a sec" I say with a mock face of frustration. Read and answer. Nothing for a few minutes, and the conversation gets back into that roving topic coverage you can only have with an intelligent and interesting friend over a long lunch. But then a buzz/beep, buzz/beep...this is the notification sound of two texts coming in at the same time. Now feeling embarrassed, do I answer or not? It is actually my children, both out supposedly busy doing things on their own thing. So, I offer the standard parent mantra 'kids, geez" and I read and answer, telling them both I am busy. Turns out a voice mail comes in while I am texting. Well, a voicemail will be someone trying to contact me about the Kennel. I will just take it quickly. Then I see a call from another friend as well.
I finish all of my texting and voicemail returning, set the phone down and turn back to my friend with a great big smile and say, "there done, where were we". She says with a  kind, but slightly condescending small smirk and eyebrow raise, "Your a busy lady. I don't even know where my phone is."
What! No! That is my line. I am the one who comments on other's obsession with technology. I am the one who is above the societal pressure to be connected at all times in order to feel indispensable. It's me who is above it all...I am the one who leaves their phone in the bottom of their other purse, or at home uncharged on the window sill. That person is me, me damn it!

Through the eyes of a fellow non-tech obsessed human being I am forced to see myself in true light. And it appears as thought I have slowly morphed into something I barely recognize. I am no longer a free soul never to be controlled by the bars of their cell phone service, but yet, I am also not cool enough to be a card carrying member of the Tech club. My phone is not smart, I do not have an App from Amazon downloaded, I can't check my email, and I have never even played Angry Birds.
I am some sort of awkward  virtual world Hybrid. A bad combination of a semi busy schedule and a flip phone.
As our afternoon visit draws to a close I realize that I have some soul searching to do. I am not comfortable with this epiphany. Do I continue on this path and become one of the fully addicted, or do I  dare to revert back to my former self that would just simply be unreachable for portions of the day? As soon as I check my messages and get this text sent I am going to do some serious self-evaluation.

"..how does your garden grow?".....No really, how does your garden grow?

Almost the first week of my new career move as a work from home entrepreneur. Well, as a 'decided to' work from home entrepreneur...four weeks left of a three quarter time government contract. Then the solo flight begins.
I guess I thought my days would feel different. That I would be different. That  I would be experiencing a life changing metamorphosis into an enlightened soul that would be at peace with her environment.  But alas, not so much, not yet anyway. Things are pretty much exactly the same. Scooping dog poop, driving kids around and cooking dinner and working in between. Nothing magical has happened. I don't think anyone has noticed that I have a made a life altering decision.

The spring sun is starting to melt the winter away, and underneath summer waits. Garden and landscaping plans are starting to occupy my every thought.
Each year in the first month of melt I get so excited for spring and summer that I tend to forget that my thumb is actually more a muddy brown colour, rather than the brilliant emerald green that I seem to have delusions about.
I spend weeks making elaborate sketches of raised garden boxes lined with a wonderful variety of vegetables that we will eat throughout the growing season, and I will then preserve in a skillful fashion at the fall harvest. I draw diagrams of beautifully arranged pots of lush herbs placed all over the deck that I will snip here and there to compliment my dinners that I prepare lovingly each night, and of course to dry and have at my disposal throughout the winter. Each year, just in case I have not dreamed up enough of a plan, I also like to pick a new area to develop in order to plant more and more.
If all it took to grow a bountiful crop was sun and intentions I would be quite the gardener.
I really wish to be one of those people who seem to just plant their seeds, spend a couple hours in the evening de-stressing  in the garden each day, and then are continuously harvesting zucchini the size of a canoe.
I really want to be a good gardener. I really want to produce a lush green garden to feed my family, and be shoving ripe tomatoes and funny coloured carrots into the hands of anyone who stops by for a visit.
But if this year grows like all those before it, then I will start out the spring with a fantastic plan,  I will lovingly sow my seeds, water and care for my fledgling plants and nurture them along to nice start, weeding faithfully.
But as the chickpea vine (that is what my mother called it anyway) grows at fifteen times the speed as the lettuce, and little bugs eat all the leaves off of the three inch tall cabbage plants, and the herbs get brown and crispy I loose heart. Mid-summer I no longer envision myself standing waist deep amongst the fruits of my labour. But rather, I will be grudgingly dragging the hose out through my weed laden garden patch late every evening guiltily looking away from the suffocating pea plants, the scraggly lettuce and unthined carrots.

But as the sun shines on my face while I chip away  the ice build-up around the planters I didn't empty last year I find myself dreaming. Dreaming of  the smell of freshly turned the earth and shades of green.
Maybe, just maybe, this year will be different. Maybe this year I will discover my hidden gardener and grow the harvest I have always wished for.
More than likely I will have to visit my friend's garden to get  my over sized zucchini. But I try not to think of that as I give up on ice chipping and return to my garden sketches. I think these plans are my best yet.

Putting my money where my mouth is

I find myself in a unique position in my  life. I have the opportunity to work from home doing pretty much whatever I want to do. A blissful opportunity that I have wished for many, many times over the last fifteen years as a working single mother. In the past I have heard the saying be careful what you wish for, and am starting to think this may be one of those wishes.
I have been self employed before, many times actually. I have done contract work for years and have owned my own businesses. But this feels different. It is a scary unknown of making the commitment to earning my own living working from home. I don't have a contract with anyone with a set compensation, I don't have any deadlines for invoicing, I just have to bring in the money.
It is a bit overwhelming to actually be in charge of my own bottom line. I have always dabbled on the border of taking the risk of working from home. I have talked a good game but never without the safety net of some kind of contractual agreement with someone to pay me in lump sums.

I have one month left of a government contract, though it is a fine paying contract it is still dealing with governmental red tape...an excellent encouragement to work for myself I must say. Then after that it is free bird. 
So, I have committed myself to generating income only through working from home for one entire year.
Of course the dog boarding kennel will be the main income source of income. But if I can't write it, make it, bake it or grow it then it is off limits.
I have been waffling about committing totally to home bound financial well being for years. Even though I have said many many times how much I would love to be able to work solely from home I will now get the opportunity to put my money where my mouth is.

Three Kinds of Cool

After much scientific research and the running of human trials I have come to the conclusion that there are three different kinds of cool people. There is the current, trendy cool, and then there is the master of life's little secrets kind of cool, and finally there is the kind of cool that exists only in the mind of someone who use to be the first kind of cool and no longer is, but also has not transitioned into the second category.

We have all come in contact with the first two types of cool human beings. The first type is that person who  always looks good in the trendiest fashions and is hip to the new tech gadgets and actually knows how to use them, the newest slang words just naturally roll off their tongue. They are current with the now, and very concerned with themselves. The second kind of cool personality is not necessarily defined by their clothes or language, it is their state of being... their approach to life if you will. They are cool because they don't necessarily buy into trends and the current going's on. These cool cats usually are not even aware of what is considered the current or trendy. They are usually a bit older and they are very comfortable in the roll they play in the world, and don't let much bother them.

So that takes me to the last category of cool. There is a good chance that due to the fact that I am using the word "cool" which isn't anymore, and the fact I left this group to the last you have figured out that this is where I belong. These are my peeps. The I use to be current and with it and then a whole bunch of life happened and I didn't have the time or money to transition with the trends, nor did I pay enough attention to myself to be in touch with who I really am category.
You have seen us, with our new, but out-of-date jeans two or three years behind in style. We do our hair in the most modern cuts and colours but our makeup never changes. We are on our cell phones like everyone else but we are talking because texting takes us too long. We drive our new vehicles but they will be white, or some other plain colour, and have music produced between 1975 to 1998 in the CD player. We purchase modern looking purses but they will be matched with comfortable shoes. We know what the new tech gadgets do, we just don't use them. We listen to our children so we know that "sick" means "excellent", but we still use words like "good" and "bad". We are capable, strong and take care of business everyday, as well as all of the people in our lives, but we will do it with self judgement and a sense of never being able to do enough.  We do not have all the secrets of life figured out, and some days it feels like none of them.

After reading this don't worry if you discovered that you may belong in this category. We are a welcoming group. I say we should carry on mentally living life in the memory of our peak years, feeling that we got it 'going on'. Who is to say what cool really is. As long as we are not actually wearing our one piece jean jumpsuits buried in the back of the closet, or back combing our bangs I say we are good.

Travel through life with your head held high, you deserve to be comfortable and confident in your own kind of coolness.  Also, it makes it harder to get that accidental glance of your ass in the store window as you walk by.

Everday Awesome

The Everyday Awesome.......Simple Things to Please Your Soul.

Getting the piece of cake that has the fancy icing.
Deciding to buy something and finding out it is on sale when it rings through.
Your car finally starting when you beg "please just this one last time".
The smell of fresh baked bread when you walk in the door.
Warm sheets or towels right out of the dryer.
The taste of something you use to love to eat when you were young.
Finding a five or ten dollar bill in a pocket.
A card in the mail from a friend and it's not your birthday.
The first warm days of spring.
Turning on the radio and your favorite song of all time is on.
The way sun feels coming through the window on a cold winter day.
The first sip of a cold beer.
The Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show music.
The sound your dog makes when he flops down to lay by your feet.
Remembering favorite times with favorite friends.
Laughing so hard you can't breath for a second or two.
Opening a bill and somehow there is a credit applied to your account.
Being the last car in the construction line up to be let through before they turn it to the stop sign again.
Parking by a meter that is stuck with time showing.
Trying on a pair of jeans you have not worn in a while and they fit.

Everyday has something simply awesome to offer.

Really, this is reality?

That's it, I have decided my next career choice...Reality TV Star. Popular culture has changed the entire definition of the words "reality" and "celebrity". There once was a time when you had to be able to do something to be a celebrity, and the word real actually represented something that may actually happen  Now, not so much!

Reality has always been determined by perception. Now we have added a new aspect to that perception that the more fake tanned you are, the bigger your fake boobs are, the more incredibly vain you are about your clothes and physical looks, and the more disregard you show for money the more real your life is. So the way I figure it, I have to do nothing else but become as fake as possible to be a reality TV star. I can do that! Of course I am too old to be a teen mom, I have too many commitments to be living single in a house full of others, so we will have to go with the housewife theme.

In the development of my plan to launch my reality TV  personality there were a few obstacles to overcome. First being that I actually have no money to have cosmetic surgery, or have my nails done weekly, or purchase all of the spray tan needed for an entire season. The savvy reality stars have moved to spray because it is more health conscious. I guess that weird fake orange colour is safer than fake light. As far as fake boobs I figure I will just finally spend the money on a really expensive bra with superior lift and separation capabilities. The diamond studded, incredibly long fake nails may be an issue. In a dry run of an episode one of my press on nails came shooting off while I was feeding the dogs and poked a pug in the eye. So we will have to address the safety issues there.

The second obstacle for the show is that my life is incredibly real, so therefore incredibly...um, boring. But in the true spirit of the reality TV world, events can be morphed into bits and bites, and words spoken and the faces made can be then strung together to form dramatic, false representation of what actually happened creating a new reality.

This will be awesome, my life will look like it rocks! The monthly trip for my daughter's Ortho appointment can be filmed as just a door closing to a doctor's office and then they can show a clip of me tearing up as we walk back to the car. The viewer doesn't need to know it is because the Orthodontist said she needs six more freakin' months of braces at $180 per. The cameras can also show scenes such as dramatic face offs between my teenage son and I in the kitchen. Panning back and forth between tense faces staring at each other with neither of us speaking. Again, the viewer doesn't need to know it is because I am telling him that it is ridiculous that he sets his dirty dishes on the counter right next to the dishwasher instead of taking the three seconds necessary to open the damn thing and place them in it. The almost daily trips to the grocery store will have to be edited showing the fronts of expensive stores to make it look like I have a shopping addiction. Conversations with my ex husband can be shown as short clips of exasperation, no fancy camera work needed there, unfortunately. There can be an episode where I become totally furious while working in my home office, it will look like I am handling the family business when in actual reality I am really upset because my mother finally figured out how to get on facebook and sent me a friend request...can nothing just be mine! As far as the dog kennel, I was thinking we could portray it as a disturbing obsession I have to hoard animals and I am always having to get rid of the old and bring in new ones.

I have put a lot of thought into this and I think we can pull it off. I have spoken to the kids about it and they are all in. Really they are at an age now that my parenting has already done so much psychological damage that a reality TV show exposing every detail of our lives will just go on the list. And if the kids can possibly get a spin off featuring themselves going to college, well that would just be a bonus.

A season or two of a reality TV show and I should be sitting pretty financially. I am not sure how much reality stars make but I am guessing price negotiations will start during the pitch of the show to the networks. If  I want to ensure that I am banking the bucks I will have to pitch it with a great name. I am thinking something like,  The Real Housewife ( has to be singular because I have no friends here) of the North, or Say Yes To The Mess, or House Boss, and then there is  my personal favorite... Valium Vodka and Tears.

Time is on my mind

It has been years and years since I have had this much time to do whatever I wanted day in and day out. Of course I have some nonnegotiable responsibilities such as taking care of the dogs and the kids...probably should have written that in opposite order. And of course there are the standard house and home duties such as cooking, cleaning and other such nonsense. But overall, I have a lot of free time that I have to organize and do something with. It is a slightly overwhelming concept. It is a lot of responsibility to have no demands on your time. Sounds ludicrous I realize, but it is a major burden to shoulder to be totally in control of your own time schedule.

I didn't realize there was so much time in the day. Up until very recently I have owned at least one business, and usually had one or two additional contracts going on at the same time. My days were filled with running from one task to another. A good day meant only five items on the to-do-list carried over to tomorrow. Between raising kids and working it seemed the norm to just keep slogging each day to try to get more done then the previous one. I was immersed in the belief that the amount of time available was controlled by the amount of stuff that needed to get done. But I have come to learn that concept may not be true.

Time may indeed be controlled by a force outside of our world as we know it. How else could the drive that takes an average 12 minutes take a half an hour the morning you leave the house late. Or how can a day suddenly be gone and you realize you have not done anything productive, unless you count making an entire batch of cookies to replace the one you ate watching morning TV. The one that gets me the most is how the hours can take so long to pass the day you are putting off going for your morning run. On a larger scale, it is a confusing act of space and time that suddenly our little tiny children can look like the adults they are so quickly becoming, but yet an evening of homework, dishes and bedtime can take an age to end.

I don't know what the trick is to the mystery of time. I don't know why my favorite songs have become "blast from the past classic hits", I don't know how it is my 25 school year reunion in a couple years, but yet I have not managed to get to cleaning out that kitchen drawer  that has everything from corn holders to a child's grade four report card.
The only thing I do know is that I want to live every moment of it, appreciating both the slow and the quick moments of time.