You know those moments when you have and outer body experience and you see your behaviour clearly... don't you hate that! I find that I am having more and more of those moments. I don't know if that is a sign of enlightenment and emotional maturity, or if I am having a psychotic split. But one thing I do know is that dogs and teenagers are perfect mirrors of every single flaw you may posses as a human being.
I am consistently amazed how all of the dogs start acting the same after about three days here. I was thinking is was just the 'pack mentality' thing. That all of the dogs pick up energy from each other and start to act the same, emulating a pack as their wild ancestors would have. But then I started to notice a vague similarity in their behaviour to something I couldn't put my finger on right away. There was something about the dogs behaviour that I recognized. Then it dawned on me...it is my children. The dogs start to act like my teenagers. Completely expectant of total attention and excitement about whatever is important to them at that second, totally deaf to the sound of your voice until the third or fourth request to stop, or start, whatever you would like them to do, and then crushed because they think your mad at them ("why are you always yelling?"...don't be worried dog owners I am not actually yelling at your dogs I just raised my voice a little), and they are either manically excited or totally guarded and abrasive when company comes over and you never know which it will be.
It was a cruel dawning of reality that I am actually the axis of behaviour development in my world. In the past I have always been able to explain away any connection of negative behaviour between myself and those that I am in stewardship over. My own dog is a eight month old buffoon. But you see, I could blame that on the fact that we rescued him from the SPCA, so naturally he came with issues. As for my children's crazy making behaviour, it was the divorce at a young age and ultimately their father's influence that was the problem of course.
But as they say, the mirror never lies. I should be grateful for the chance to grow as a parent and person in general. So, I guess this means that I have more work to do on my journey of personal development, and need to examine what it is that I do to enable the behaviour I see develop in those that I am responsible for. On the other hand, it may just be easier start to addressing that huge need for Goldfish kenneling instead, ha ha.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Hi Tech
I am just busting out my new age communication butterfly wings... I just created a Facebook account! After years of telling my friends that I wasn't going to Facebook. I was going to hold out and be one of the very few people in mdern history to not be on Facebook. But alas, why have I not learned to never say never!
Moving from the city where I was a few blocks from my dearest friends to a city an hour away, very quickly changed my view of Facebook's usefulness.
I think I actually felt kind of smug about the fact I wasn't on Facebook. I was above the inexplicable need to post my every move and be constantly updating my status while checking on other's. I was far too busy in my day to be bothered with playing farming, or collecting cupcakes or smiley faces and other such silly activities. Facebook is for teenagers to exchange comments about each other and pictures with their friends. But...what the heck I will give in and join the masses and create a Facebook account. Now, of course, it is just for posting pictures of the new place, and the dogs. Goodness knows I don't really have time for Facebook.
Turns out I am completely Facebook challenged! Crap on a cracker there is a ton of stuff going on in there. I eventually got my profile picture loaded and got a few other pictures on there. I had ridiculous time trying to figure out wall-to-wall and how to know when they are other people's walls, and then how to get back to your own. Holy cow.
But it is done, and I have taken the leap into the world of virtual communication. Not only do I have a Facebook account, but I have a blog. They are not time wasters, no not at all. You can look it as two very current and cool communicate tools I can use to keep in touch with my fellow members of this global village we all live in, friends and strangers alike. Or you can look at as my need to spill forth ramblings of whatever is floating around in my brain at the time and pictures of my life (only the ones that don't make me look fat of course) to anyone who cares to view it.
Well, which ever it doesn't matter. You have to move with the times and stay current, besides it is time for me to check my status.
Moving from the city where I was a few blocks from my dearest friends to a city an hour away, very quickly changed my view of Facebook's usefulness.
I think I actually felt kind of smug about the fact I wasn't on Facebook. I was above the inexplicable need to post my every move and be constantly updating my status while checking on other's. I was far too busy in my day to be bothered with playing farming, or collecting cupcakes or smiley faces and other such silly activities. Facebook is for teenagers to exchange comments about each other and pictures with their friends. But...what the heck I will give in and join the masses and create a Facebook account. Now, of course, it is just for posting pictures of the new place, and the dogs. Goodness knows I don't really have time for Facebook.
Turns out I am completely Facebook challenged! Crap on a cracker there is a ton of stuff going on in there. I eventually got my profile picture loaded and got a few other pictures on there. I had ridiculous time trying to figure out wall-to-wall and how to know when they are other people's walls, and then how to get back to your own. Holy cow.
But it is done, and I have taken the leap into the world of virtual communication. Not only do I have a Facebook account, but I have a blog. They are not time wasters, no not at all. You can look it as two very current and cool communicate tools I can use to keep in touch with my fellow members of this global village we all live in, friends and strangers alike. Or you can look at as my need to spill forth ramblings of whatever is floating around in my brain at the time and pictures of my life (only the ones that don't make me look fat of course) to anyone who cares to view it.
Well, which ever it doesn't matter. You have to move with the times and stay current, besides it is time for me to check my status.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
when I grow up
While having my morning coffee, post dog check and pre-waking of children to go town for yet again more school clothes shopping (gack), I caught a glimpse of an interview with Carol Burnett.
It instantly took me back to being a young girl sitting on the living room floor staring up at the TV, with the whole world shut out for an hour, in great anticipation watching Carol Burnett walk out on to her stage to that unforgettable theme song in some fabulous outfit to deliver a wondrously witty monologue.
I was in awe of her because she was beautiful and glamorous, as well as incredibly smart and totally hilariously funny! I sooooo wanted to be her. I wanted to grow up and be a woman who was special and smart, while being funny and interesting. I wanted to be glamorous and sexy while saying smart and witty things... and not care about being considered a bitch, or worry that men would be threatened by me.
I felt the same about Mary Tyler Moore...desperately wanted to be Mary. I had a romantic vision of when I left home and moved to the big city that I would be like Mary. My life was going to be exciting, and adventurous. I would have the guts to face the world and bounce back no matter what happened. I would be talented, smart, funny, thin and pretty all at the same time. Oh ya, and have an awesome apartment, great clothes (probably a few less pantsuits as it was the late 80's not the early 70's) and a zany group of friends. Life would be my oyster and I too would toss my hat in the air and spin around with a smile on my face in the middle of traffic.
Well, it was close to that when I started my life on my own.... I shared an old apartment downtown with two other people with one of whom couldn't stand me, awesome! I had a crap job as a waitress at the Schnitzel Hut with mandatory outfits including lederhosen and feather in felt hat, again awesome! It was the late 80's/early 90's, so need I say any more about the great clothes, and I look terrible in hats. I barely made enough money to buy groceries after paying my share of the rent, had no career direction to strive for and my friends were mostly just drunk. So, as I say close. Practically life imitating art.
My early 20's were a tough time of trying to decipher who I thought I should be, who I really was and who I was going to be for others. I got tired of that and put myself exploration on hold and got married, had two fantastic children. When I was 30 I remembered my desire to be a Carol or Mary. Kept the fantastic kids, got rid of the not so fantastic marriage and moved forward, sometimes slowly and slightly to the side, but indeed forward all the same.
Ten years later at 40, my inner Carol and Mary are starting to surface. I do feel that I am getting to know myself, not the person I think I am suppose to be or the one others think I am, but the actual me. I am funny and smart, and it's not in a bitchy way. I do have something to say and that is alright, I have found the man who is comfortable with my strength. I have discovered that I can do anything, and I am now discovering that it is okay if I do nothing. The world has been my oyster over the years through incredible career moves and business opportunities, and I have enjoyed them all.
As for the glamour...there is not a lot of that. But that is okay, I don't think I want to live the glamorous life anymore, I have to go to sleep too early to be very glamorous. Beside it is hard to scoop poop in heels.
It instantly took me back to being a young girl sitting on the living room floor staring up at the TV, with the whole world shut out for an hour, in great anticipation watching Carol Burnett walk out on to her stage to that unforgettable theme song in some fabulous outfit to deliver a wondrously witty monologue.
I was in awe of her because she was beautiful and glamorous, as well as incredibly smart and totally hilariously funny! I sooooo wanted to be her. I wanted to grow up and be a woman who was special and smart, while being funny and interesting. I wanted to be glamorous and sexy while saying smart and witty things... and not care about being considered a bitch, or worry that men would be threatened by me.
I felt the same about Mary Tyler Moore...desperately wanted to be Mary. I had a romantic vision of when I left home and moved to the big city that I would be like Mary. My life was going to be exciting, and adventurous. I would have the guts to face the world and bounce back no matter what happened. I would be talented, smart, funny, thin and pretty all at the same time. Oh ya, and have an awesome apartment, great clothes (probably a few less pantsuits as it was the late 80's not the early 70's) and a zany group of friends. Life would be my oyster and I too would toss my hat in the air and spin around with a smile on my face in the middle of traffic.
Well, it was close to that when I started my life on my own.... I shared an old apartment downtown with two other people with one of whom couldn't stand me, awesome! I had a crap job as a waitress at the Schnitzel Hut with mandatory outfits including lederhosen and feather in felt hat, again awesome! It was the late 80's/early 90's, so need I say any more about the great clothes, and I look terrible in hats. I barely made enough money to buy groceries after paying my share of the rent, had no career direction to strive for and my friends were mostly just drunk. So, as I say close. Practically life imitating art.
My early 20's were a tough time of trying to decipher who I thought I should be, who I really was and who I was going to be for others. I got tired of that and put myself exploration on hold and got married, had two fantastic children. When I was 30 I remembered my desire to be a Carol or Mary. Kept the fantastic kids, got rid of the not so fantastic marriage and moved forward, sometimes slowly and slightly to the side, but indeed forward all the same.
Ten years later at 40, my inner Carol and Mary are starting to surface. I do feel that I am getting to know myself, not the person I think I am suppose to be or the one others think I am, but the actual me. I am funny and smart, and it's not in a bitchy way. I do have something to say and that is alright, I have found the man who is comfortable with my strength. I have discovered that I can do anything, and I am now discovering that it is okay if I do nothing. The world has been my oyster over the years through incredible career moves and business opportunities, and I have enjoyed them all.
As for the glamour...there is not a lot of that. But that is okay, I don't think I want to live the glamorous life anymore, I have to go to sleep too early to be very glamorous. Beside it is hard to scoop poop in heels.
Monday, August 23, 2010
I have finally done it!
I have finally sat down and started this blog, part of a commitment I made to myself to start writing daily again. It has been a few weeks now that I have been on this journey of my new start with no regular employment.
A month ago I sold my business and home to move to a near by town to live with the man I love, in the process relocating my two teenage children who were of course ecstatic about leaving their friends and everything they knew and felt validated their existence in this world. Because my true love makes a good living and I do have some resources to depend on, we decided that I would stay home and not get a job. I actually feel quite blessed to be able to concentrate on finishing the raising of my two teenagers, assisting him in any way in raising his teenage daughter who spends sometime here off and on, and providing a home for all of us. I am going to love it, it is just difficult to switch gears and will take some time.
It is going to be quite different not working, not producing, not being in total control of my finances and ownership of everything I have and do. I had not been anticipating being in this position at 40. Though I embrace where I am in my life...I am sensing that there will be a fair amount of personal growth happening.
But in truth I am not completely unemployed. I am not spending my entire day lazing about watching the daytime line up,oh no! It turns out that on the beautiful, scenic acreage he has owned for a few years is a dog boarding kennel. He has not had a kennel operator for about a year so it seems just perfect that I could get things organized and open up the kennel for business once again. What an ideal situation! I can still be home and yet produce some income for the family, wonderful!
Yup, wonderful. There are forty kennels in total, so far we have only had four full at one time which may be a good thing. I am quickly figuring out what kind of dogs come to a kennel when their owners go away...the barking kind! Some are the all day barking kind and some are the all night barking kind.
You can't tell right away what kind they are, but they will let you know. Some of those furry little darlings will let you know as soon as their owner's car leaves. It may start off with a small sad howl because they have been abandoned, or may be a happy excited, " let's play", bark to the other dogs that are there. Then, there is my favorite kind of dog that feels it is their personal duty to bark protectively at all the scary things that only come around at two in the morning...As I said, I think there will be a fair amount of personal growth happening.
So, as the early morning sun shines out over the lake and I watch the view brighten with all the colours coming alive in the trees along the hillside I must finish my coffee and close my post, because I also hear the rumblings of a huge German Sheppard who suffers from separation anxiety.
Till tomorrow.
A month ago I sold my business and home to move to a near by town to live with the man I love, in the process relocating my two teenage children who were of course ecstatic about leaving their friends and everything they knew and felt validated their existence in this world. Because my true love makes a good living and I do have some resources to depend on, we decided that I would stay home and not get a job. I actually feel quite blessed to be able to concentrate on finishing the raising of my two teenagers, assisting him in any way in raising his teenage daughter who spends sometime here off and on, and providing a home for all of us. I am going to love it, it is just difficult to switch gears and will take some time.
It is going to be quite different not working, not producing, not being in total control of my finances and ownership of everything I have and do. I had not been anticipating being in this position at 40. Though I embrace where I am in my life...I am sensing that there will be a fair amount of personal growth happening.
But in truth I am not completely unemployed. I am not spending my entire day lazing about watching the daytime line up,oh no! It turns out that on the beautiful, scenic acreage he has owned for a few years is a dog boarding kennel. He has not had a kennel operator for about a year so it seems just perfect that I could get things organized and open up the kennel for business once again. What an ideal situation! I can still be home and yet produce some income for the family, wonderful!
Yup, wonderful. There are forty kennels in total, so far we have only had four full at one time which may be a good thing. I am quickly figuring out what kind of dogs come to a kennel when their owners go away...the barking kind! Some are the all day barking kind and some are the all night barking kind.
You can't tell right away what kind they are, but they will let you know. Some of those furry little darlings will let you know as soon as their owner's car leaves. It may start off with a small sad howl because they have been abandoned, or may be a happy excited, " let's play", bark to the other dogs that are there. Then, there is my favorite kind of dog that feels it is their personal duty to bark protectively at all the scary things that only come around at two in the morning...As I said, I think there will be a fair amount of personal growth happening.
So, as the early morning sun shines out over the lake and I watch the view brighten with all the colours coming alive in the trees along the hillside I must finish my coffee and close my post, because I also hear the rumblings of a huge German Sheppard who suffers from separation anxiety.
Till tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)