"Phone call for Mrs. Singer...Mrs. Singer, phone call"

I am one of the first to make comment, or at least mental note, of those people in crowds who are constantly on their smart phones regardless of the fact they are siting with a friend at a coffee shop, or talking on their bluetooth while buying toothpaste at the drugstore and of the most astounding, people walking down a busy sidewalk and crossing a street  while texting.
I have made many, admittedly slightly unkind, comments about how I am puzzled as to why people have gotten to a point in which technology is consuming their attention so constantly that they are never fully present in the moment, but rather floating in the static between virtual and real.  In the past I have had a sense of pride that I am not one of those types that has to be plugged in at all times. I am grateful enough for my daily real life existence that I see the value of living the moments  I am presently in. I feel I am under no delusion that I must be constantly connected with my finger on the pulse of the happenings of the world for things to continue smoothly.
When I am out visiting with my friends, I am visiting with them. We are connecting and sharing by having the coffee together in real time, not just reading the facebook notification on my smartphone that so-and-so is going out for third doubleshot of the day. I hold a sense of pride about this. It has almost been a 'holier than thou' attitude at times against the poor soul who's chicken dance ring tone has gone off at max volume in the line up at the grocery store. I have thrown many a disdainful glance to those who's phone keep ringing during a  dinner out.  I don't understand the obsession of the cell phone. I am critical of it and feel very justified.

It was this strong internal belief in who I am that was shattered yesterday, when I realized that I am becoming one of them. A drone plugged into to technology, no longer able to make my own decisions about who I talk to when and where.
Yesterday during a few hour long afternoon getaway with a friend my true self started to emerge. The first  hour or so was fine, there was nothing out of the ordinary. We were doing a bit a of shopping, poking around in some interesting shops, very enjoyable. Nearing five 'oclock we decided to go for a bite. It was right around then everything started to go awry. The first buzz of a text sounded..."oh excuse me, this is probably a kid, ha ha". Quickly I read and return a text. "okay, where were we."  A minute or two later another buzz. "Sorry, just a sec" I say with a mock face of frustration. Read and answer. Nothing for a few minutes, and the conversation gets back into that roving topic coverage you can only have with an intelligent and interesting friend over a long lunch. But then a buzz/beep, buzz/beep...this is the notification sound of two texts coming in at the same time. Now feeling embarrassed, do I answer or not? It is actually my children, both out supposedly busy doing things on their own thing. So, I offer the standard parent mantra 'kids, geez" and I read and answer, telling them both I am busy. Turns out a voice mail comes in while I am texting. Well, a voicemail will be someone trying to contact me about the Kennel. I will just take it quickly. Then I see a call from another friend as well.
I finish all of my texting and voicemail returning, set the phone down and turn back to my friend with a great big smile and say, "there done, where were we". She says with a  kind, but slightly condescending small smirk and eyebrow raise, "Your a busy lady. I don't even know where my phone is."
What! No! That is my line. I am the one who comments on other's obsession with technology. I am the one who is above the societal pressure to be connected at all times in order to feel indispensable. It's me who is above it all...I am the one who leaves their phone in the bottom of their other purse, or at home uncharged on the window sill. That person is me, me damn it!

Through the eyes of a fellow non-tech obsessed human being I am forced to see myself in true light. And it appears as thought I have slowly morphed into something I barely recognize. I am no longer a free soul never to be controlled by the bars of their cell phone service, but yet, I am also not cool enough to be a card carrying member of the Tech club. My phone is not smart, I do not have an App from Amazon downloaded, I can't check my email, and I have never even played Angry Birds.
I am some sort of awkward  virtual world Hybrid. A bad combination of a semi busy schedule and a flip phone.
As our afternoon visit draws to a close I realize that I have some soul searching to do. I am not comfortable with this epiphany. Do I continue on this path and become one of the fully addicted, or do I  dare to revert back to my former self that would just simply be unreachable for portions of the day? As soon as I check my messages and get this text sent I am going to do some serious self-evaluation.

"..how does your garden grow?".....No really, how does your garden grow?

Almost the first week of my new career move as a work from home entrepreneur. Well, as a 'decided to' work from home entrepreneur...four weeks left of a three quarter time government contract. Then the solo flight begins.
I guess I thought my days would feel different. That I would be different. That  I would be experiencing a life changing metamorphosis into an enlightened soul that would be at peace with her environment.  But alas, not so much, not yet anyway. Things are pretty much exactly the same. Scooping dog poop, driving kids around and cooking dinner and working in between. Nothing magical has happened. I don't think anyone has noticed that I have a made a life altering decision.

The spring sun is starting to melt the winter away, and underneath summer waits. Garden and landscaping plans are starting to occupy my every thought.
Each year in the first month of melt I get so excited for spring and summer that I tend to forget that my thumb is actually more a muddy brown colour, rather than the brilliant emerald green that I seem to have delusions about.
I spend weeks making elaborate sketches of raised garden boxes lined with a wonderful variety of vegetables that we will eat throughout the growing season, and I will then preserve in a skillful fashion at the fall harvest. I draw diagrams of beautifully arranged pots of lush herbs placed all over the deck that I will snip here and there to compliment my dinners that I prepare lovingly each night, and of course to dry and have at my disposal throughout the winter. Each year, just in case I have not dreamed up enough of a plan, I also like to pick a new area to develop in order to plant more and more.
If all it took to grow a bountiful crop was sun and intentions I would be quite the gardener.
I really wish to be one of those people who seem to just plant their seeds, spend a couple hours in the evening de-stressing  in the garden each day, and then are continuously harvesting zucchini the size of a canoe.
I really want to be a good gardener. I really want to produce a lush green garden to feed my family, and be shoving ripe tomatoes and funny coloured carrots into the hands of anyone who stops by for a visit.
But if this year grows like all those before it, then I will start out the spring with a fantastic plan,  I will lovingly sow my seeds, water and care for my fledgling plants and nurture them along to nice start, weeding faithfully.
But as the chickpea vine (that is what my mother called it anyway) grows at fifteen times the speed as the lettuce, and little bugs eat all the leaves off of the three inch tall cabbage plants, and the herbs get brown and crispy I loose heart. Mid-summer I no longer envision myself standing waist deep amongst the fruits of my labour. But rather, I will be grudgingly dragging the hose out through my weed laden garden patch late every evening guiltily looking away from the suffocating pea plants, the scraggly lettuce and unthined carrots.

But as the sun shines on my face while I chip away  the ice build-up around the planters I didn't empty last year I find myself dreaming. Dreaming of  the smell of freshly turned the earth and shades of green.
Maybe, just maybe, this year will be different. Maybe this year I will discover my hidden gardener and grow the harvest I have always wished for.
More than likely I will have to visit my friend's garden to get  my over sized zucchini. But I try not to think of that as I give up on ice chipping and return to my garden sketches. I think these plans are my best yet.

Putting my money where my mouth is

I find myself in a unique position in my  life. I have the opportunity to work from home doing pretty much whatever I want to do. A blissful opportunity that I have wished for many, many times over the last fifteen years as a working single mother. In the past I have heard the saying be careful what you wish for, and am starting to think this may be one of those wishes.
I have been self employed before, many times actually. I have done contract work for years and have owned my own businesses. But this feels different. It is a scary unknown of making the commitment to earning my own living working from home. I don't have a contract with anyone with a set compensation, I don't have any deadlines for invoicing, I just have to bring in the money.
It is a bit overwhelming to actually be in charge of my own bottom line. I have always dabbled on the border of taking the risk of working from home. I have talked a good game but never without the safety net of some kind of contractual agreement with someone to pay me in lump sums.

I have one month left of a government contract, though it is a fine paying contract it is still dealing with governmental red tape...an excellent encouragement to work for myself I must say. Then after that it is free bird. 
So, I have committed myself to generating income only through working from home for one entire year.
Of course the dog boarding kennel will be the main income source of income. But if I can't write it, make it, bake it or grow it then it is off limits.
I have been waffling about committing totally to home bound financial well being for years. Even though I have said many many times how much I would love to be able to work solely from home I will now get the opportunity to put my money where my mouth is.